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My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell tells the story of Vanessa Wye as both an adult and a 15-year-old schoolgirl. Jacob Strane has been accused of sexual abuse by one of his former students, and a journalist contacts Vanessa to contribute to allegations. However, Vanessa does not see her time with Strane as abuse but as a loving relationship.

My Dark Vanessa is a tough and unsettling read from the very beginning. “When Strane and I met, I was fifteen and he was forty-two, a near perfect thirty years between us.” During my first attempt to start the novel I got to this paragraph on page 5 and had to put the book down because it made me feel sick to my stomach.

Russell is never shy at revealing the details of his repulsive sexual abuse where he claims that Vanessa is in charge of what is happening while requesting that she call him ‘Daddy’. It is hard to read the repeated rape of a 15-year-old girl and even as an adult where she wants him to stop but doesn’t have the power to tell him no. For many, there may be a feeling that there are too many rape scenes or too many details but I think that it’s important to remember the brutality of what is happening to her. While I believe that My Dark Vanessa is a brave exploration of the #metoo movement it is not a book for everyone and I found it to be a slow read as much as I wanted to find out what happened the uneasy feeling would cause me to stop. 

“I just really need it to be a love story. You know? I really, really need it to be that.” – Vanessa Wye. Russell does an amazing job in transporting us into the mind of a teenage girl who wants to be special and loved, who is intelligent but vulnerable. As well as being able to showcase the harm that this ‘love’ has done to Vanessa as an adult who can’t accept that he exploited her vulnerability and that he does deserve to be punished for what he did. I think it’s important for those who pick up this book to remember nuances in that while it could be read as romantic from her retelling and how she is the one he chose to love it is a tale of abuse. 

I think this is an important and difficult read on how abusers manipulate their victims into believing it’s love and the importance of holding the abusers and institutions that hide and shield them to account.